As you read this, the opening kickoff to Super Bowl XLIV is less than 72 hours away. While most of Indy‘s residents know they will be in front of a TV and grossly over-eating, exactly where they’ll be watching the Indianapolis Colts might still be in question. If you’re unsure whether or not to throw a party, attend a party or just head to the nearest watering hole, fear not for I have you covered.
First things first, let us establish some ground rules to help decide where you and yours should partake in partying this Sunday evening.
The Circle City is home to plenty of Indianapolis bars that would be happy to have your support–and money–come game day. If you prefer to have someone else clean up your spilt beer and deep fry your food, this is most likely the way to go. Earlier today Cindy Paul listed a few Indianapolis restaruants and bars that are throwing special Super Bowl soirées.
For those Hoosiers that want to throw the best Super Bowl party in all of Indianapolis, I commend you. But know this, while Peyton & Co. have to take care of business on the field, you are just as responsible to take care of business off the field. With great parties comes great responsibility.
First, plan ahead. If you are envisioning a spread suited for a king, than you will need to get going on those minor details like food and beverage. Want to ensure the beer flows like wine? Kegs are a great way to keep the party rolling. But, don’t expect to show up at the local liquor store 10 p.m. Saturday night and find anything better than a dusty silver drum of Natty Light.
As for food, calling a pizza joint an hour before the Colts kickoff will leave you kicking yourself. Again, figure out what you want tomorrow and order ahead. Plenty of Indianapolis restaurants will cater for you, but Sunday morning might be too late to inquire.
Another note on food. Make sure there is enough for the whole game. Few things are worse than a party in which all of the best eats are waiting for the guest as they arrive. Sure you eat well before the game, but by the coin toss all that is left is a few cold chicken wings and some soggy picked over nachos. Indianapolis Colts fans will tell you the only way you could start a Super Bowl party in worse fashion is by letting Devon Hester return the opening kickoff for a touchdown.
New food should be coming out of the kitchen at the start of every quarter. Don’t want to commit that kind of time during the game? Don’t host a party then. Best rule of thumb: whenever you think you have enough food, double it. Besides, you know the best part of throwing a party is getting to guiltlessly eat all of the leftovers the following week. “Normally I wouldn’t eat loaded potato skins five days in a row, but I’ve already paid for them.”
If you fall into the third category of party attendee, then you too have some regulations to abide by. Even though you are not hosting, don’t show up empty handed. It will be nobody’s fault but your own if you show up and the booze is gone before halftime, or the food didn’t make it past your friend you call Meat.
Throw an extra case of beer in the trunk next to the spare tire and first aid kit and respond accordingly, only open in case of emergency. Also, to guarantee you don’t go hungry, bring something that tastes just as good reheated as it does fresh. A big pan of layered dip and chips can go a long way.
If you still can’t make up your mind on how to get down this Sunday, might I suggest you take a look below and figure out exactly what kind of fan you are and plan accordingly.
Are you still upset that tax dollars helped build the Colts new home, Lucas Oil Stadium? Do you enjoy being the one person rooting against the home team just to be the turd in the punch bowl? If so, you have two choices this weekend. First, you can leave the bitterness behind and jump on the blue bandwagon for just this game. Don’t worry, you can go back to bad mouthing the Colts next season. Second, you can continue to be your lame self and sit home watching an Antiques Roadshow marathon. Don’t be this guy…nobody likes this guy.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: Find a dark corner and stand in it.
The Party Goer:
You don’t really care that the Colts are in the Super Bowl. You’re just excited there is something going on Sunday night, and that you will have a legitimate reason for being hung over at work Monday morning. You’ve seen a few games this season and you cheer when everyone else does. There is nothing wrong with this, your numbers are stronger than you might think.
You are the kind to turn the Super Bowl into a drinking game. Gather your compatriots and take a shot every time the Indianapolis Colts score. Or, if you really want to put a hurtin’ on your liver, take a shot every time Peyton Manning audibles…good luck.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: Bar or house party, you can go either way. Just make sure you travel in a herd and surround yourself with those like you. As I will discuss in a few paragraphs, sometimes it’s not just about recognizing what kind of fan you are, but knowing what kind of fans you will be around.
The Casual Fan:
You’ve kept up with the Colts all season long and can hold your own at the water cooler on Monday mornings. You know all the big name players and could probably pick them out if given enough time. You may even own a piece or two of Indianapolis Colts apparel. As the team kept winning you paid a bit more attention this past season and you are now thinking to yourself, ” if the Colts keep winning like this, I might get tickets to a game next year.”
Your heart is in the right place as long as you realize the limitations of your football knowledge. You are going to actively root for the Colts to win this weekend and would consider yourself a kind of true fan.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: You are a more invested party goer. And like your less-caring brethren, you can view the big game from either a leather bar stool or your buddy’s La-Z-Boy. Herd mentality is again the rule. Co-mingling with those who care more than you might leave a sour taste in your mouth and make you rethink your possible future alliance to this Indianapolis sports franchise.
The Front Runner:
You are easily identified by your outrageous plumage of brand new Indianapolis Colts gear. Your hat is not broken in, your $250 jersey still has fold creases or hanger marks and you even went out and bought an expensive blue long sleeve Under Armor shirt because that is just how you roll. You really don’t know much about the Colts, but that will not stop you from telling everyone around you what to think or what the Colts should do next.
As bad as all this is, as long as you realize that you are this kind of fan, all is not lost. Keep your comments to yourself and no one will give you a Liverpool kiss. After you drop close to $500 at Dick’s Sporting Goods tomorrow, may I suggest that you break in your new gear. Wear it from the moment you buy it until game time. I am talking about sleeping in it, eating in it maybe even going outside and rolling around in the leaves a bit. If you spill some food on it great, just rub it in and consider it your first badge of honor. If nothing else though, make sure you remove ALL of the tags and stickers after purchase. Nothing says amateur like a price tag and size sticker still fastened to your duds.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: You need to find a loud bar to watch the game from. If the decimals are high enough your pathetic attempt to disperse knowledge will thankfully go unheard and there is a good possibility that everyone around you will be to blitzed to remember how wrong you are. Also, you will provide the rest of the bar patrons with an opportunity to point at you and express their dislike for your kind.
You have spent the past two weeks reading anything and everything you could find online, insuring that come game day you are going to dazzle your friends and acquaintances with your superior sports knowledge. At least that is what you think.
See everyone that comes before you on this scale doesn’t really care what you have to say. And everyone that comes after has most likely already ready the same articles and heard the same reports you did. By regurgitating these facts during game time you are just showing your true colors. Besides, it’s not like there is any original content out there in the media leading up to the Super Bowl–present company excluded of course, my writing is straight from God’s mouth to your computer.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: You are built for the bars. IF you play your cards right, you can jump from group to group at a modern day speakeasy dispersing little morsels of knowledge along the way and might be viewed as a pretty decent fan. Best way to approach Sunday night is to relax, take a few deep breathes, shut up and enjoy the game.
The Die-Hard Fan:
You are identified by several key tells. First, even though you have three or four Colts jerseys hanging in your closet, you have been wearing the same Reggie Wayne jersey all season. Much like Charleton Heston; they are going to have to pry it from your cold dead hands before you wear anything else this Sunday. Also, this past Christmas you nearly screamed like a 13-year old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert when you unwrapped your very own authentic Dallas Clark jersey. While this was secretly your favorite gift by far, you think you sold the family on the idea that you loved the hand-made photo album your three kids spent two months making.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: You already know you are staying home and watching this game with only a few select friends and fellow die-hards. The thought of a party goer or casual fan asking you in the third quarter, “Which one is Peyton Manning?” or offering up a some lame joke about a tight end or wide receiver is your version of hell. A front runner will be found sprawled out on your front lawn, and the know-it-all will get to know the feel of your boot.
You’re digging in like a Texas tick, and at least one assistant is required to dispense food and beverage. The number of guests will be low because this is the Super Bowl and only the trusted few friends will be given access to view the game. Your numbers are also sparse to make sure long bathroom lines don’t occure and jeopardize you watching every second of every down.
The Wants It Too Much Fan:
You may start off looking like any one of the above, but your true colors show when you are found crying after the Super Bowl has ended no matter the result. If the Colts win you can now relate to the joy of child birth. If the Colts lose, you struggle to find your will to live.
Even though you don’t know him, you still can’t believe Coach Caldwell didn’t invite you to travel with the team this week. While everyone in Indiana wants and hopes the Indianapolis Colts will bring home their second Lombardi Trophy in four seasons, you are one of the few that can’t understand that it is still just a game.
SUGGESTED PARTY PLANS: You are the sports equivalent of a pageant mom and no one understands how you could conceivably care this much. And, like a pageant mom, no one wants to be around you. Your best bet is to stay home alone, lock your door, unplug the phone and curl up in the fetal position on the couch.
That’s all I’ve got for now. Hopefully this quick guide will help you find the best way for you to enjoy Sunday’s Super Bowl. Do Indy a favor and send this to as many people as possible so everyone can find their rightful place for this weekend’s festivities.
Check back Friday when I will give a complete preview to Super Bowl XLIV. Questions or comments? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org